We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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