the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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