I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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