shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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