"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
