she was so not down for the gang bang
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
