when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
