apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
