Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize