I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
