So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.