That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
