cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms