she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss