I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.