Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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