It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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