I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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