If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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