haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
