I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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