do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize