I'm jealous of your bromance
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
