true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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