There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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