She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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