I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
