u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
