Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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