You can't motorboat a personality
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
