Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
