you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
