i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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