Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
