I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
