I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
now i know why i became what i already was.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
