Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
