i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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