he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
