i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
