Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
