I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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