I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Still dying that you shit outside
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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