I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?