I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
