If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
