I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
