I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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