wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
