apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
