I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
