So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
