i can't believe i had my finger in that
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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