OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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