I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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