Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
