Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Your mouth is God's brothel.

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  (609): Your mouth is God's brothel. http://tfl.nu/epk5
  Replies (0) Good night (1213) Bad night (561)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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  (850): i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate. http://tfl.nu/wnho
  Replies (90) Good night (696) Bad night (3582)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...

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  (717): She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands... http://tfl.nu/ij5g
  Replies (42) Good night (887) Bad night (6640)
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  (530): View more from California

  I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.

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  (530): I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons. http://tfl.nu/pcjk
  Replies (20) Good night (6135) Bad night (831)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.

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  (352): I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green. http://tfl.nu/8k05
  Replies (4) Good night (3610) Bad night (1465)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.

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  (623): My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck. http://tfl.nu/ymmz
  Replies (24) Good night (4377) Bad night (2162)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

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  (305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8
  Replies (7) Good night (2766) Bad night (927)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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  (215): trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday http://tfl.nu/9goc
  Replies (5) Good night (1195) Bad night (581)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.

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  (303): Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish. http://tfl.nu/hxa3
  Replies (3) Good night (1082) Bad night (388)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device

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  (708): That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device http://tfl.nu/adi5
  Replies (4) Good night (1877) Bad night (412)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?

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  (412): Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass? http://tfl.nu/n93b
  Replies (8) Good night (1161) Bad night (389)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".

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  (920): You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died". http://tfl.nu/180h
  Replies (4) Good night (947) Bad night (314)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.

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  (201): In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me. http://tfl.nu/k6g0
  Replies (1) Good night (288) Bad night (554)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?

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  (612): The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened? http://tfl.nu/olcd
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (258)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse

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  (734): I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse http://tfl.nu/942u
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (253)

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