I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes