i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one