Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.

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  (901): I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game. http://tfl.nu/7tak
  Replies (15) Good night (698) Bad night (2453)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..

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  (979): She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls.. http://tfl.nu/jxnm
  Replies (17) Good night (1289) Bad night (4139)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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  (503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l
  Replies (18) Good night (2485) Bad night (5118)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  it's great music for shaving your balls

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  (850): it's great music for shaving your balls http://tfl.nu/etrw
  Replies (25) Good night (3971) Bad night (1871)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"

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  (302): this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time" http://tfl.nu/89ij
  Replies (10) Good night (1157) Bad night (1863)
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  (925): View more from California

  Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed

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  (925): Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed http://tfl.nu/cgjz
  Replies (8) Good night (3958) Bad night (895)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes

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  (301): Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes http://tfl.nu/frgb
  Replies (9) Good night (4167) Bad night (1150)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

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  (217): We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed http://tfl.nu/j4f4
  Replies (4) Good night (2151) Bad night (875)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  None of those words made sense together.

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  (612): So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life (1-612): None of those words made sense together. http://tfl.nu/fi74
  Replies (6) Good night (1994) Bad night (720)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
  Replies (6) Good night (1040) Bad night (2311)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.

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  (920): Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van. http://tfl.nu/upqb
  Replies (3) Good night (823) Bad night (1171)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.

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  (417): Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/mh6q
  Replies (4) Good night (1000) Bad night (521)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.

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  (623): That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party. http://tfl.nu/6ozh
  Replies (12) Good night (605) Bad night (850)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home

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  (480): I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home http://tfl.nu/7pj7
  Replies (1) Good night (360) Bad night (163)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Yes. Highly encouraged though.

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  (248): Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job? (810): Yes. Highly encouraged though. http://tfl.nu/cfc1
  Replies (7) Good night (419) Bad night (166)

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