It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?