that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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