She is in my trunk
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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