I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
