Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
