i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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