Hey man sorry I got all grabby
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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