Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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