don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
